On an average day, we speak roughly 20,000 words. That’s a lot of expressing. It’s also a vast mirror that we can use to see how we project ourselves into the world. My wife and I used to play this game called “the non-expression of negativity” in which we’d try to say nothing negative for 1 hour, 2 hours, half-a-day. It was really a valuable tool in that it brought to light how many times we speak negatively throughout the course of an average day.
A couple of years ago I learned about what the Buddhists refer to as skillful speech. It seemed like a fairly simple concept. The idea is to refrain from saying things that could be harmful to yourself or others. It sounds easy but think about what that means. Here are some of the things that harmful speech might include: lying, swearing, exaggeration, deceitful words or omissions, malicious words or words with malicious intent, pointless/useless speech, derogatory speech, abusive language. That’s a lot of speech to manage. The simplest instruction I found was this: “say only what is true, kind and useful”.
In order to follow this simple instruction, you have to measure your words before you say them and weigh them against the instruction. At first it was very difficult and at times my speech would seem uneven or out of rhythm as I sorted out what should and should not be said. And I’d feel some guilt when I slipped and spoke poorly of someone or swore. Eventually, is has become easier to use skillful speech and after about a year, I’ve noticed that I have developed an aversion to speaking poorly about others or idly chattering or even swearing (which I used to do a lot of). What I’ve learned is that when I habituated skillful language, I began to free myself from bonds that we don’t typically see yet weave around ourselves 20,000 times a day. And the key to that freedom was the simple instruction “say only what is true, kind and useful”.
There is a Taoist saying “To accomplish the very great, do the very small”. To me, it means that the seemingly small or insignificant things that we do can bring about great transformation. I invite you to put this to the test. For the next 7 days, say only what is true, kind and useful. It’s ok to slip. Try again and again. The goal is to bring our habitual modes of unskillful expression into awareness, that we might see them in a new way. Only through awareness can be begin to cultivate something very great.
May our speech be compassionate and true
May it lead to kind and useful actions
May it inspire others to find their own true voices.
Namaste